Helderberg Society for the Aged Blog

Mary Birt welcomes me into her sunny room at Robari with an equally warm, inviting smile… ‘Make yourself at home dear, we have a lot to talk about.’ And Mrs Birt was right…

Her story begins on 29 November 1920 in Germiston as the eldest daughter with 2 brothers to follow. Mary’s parents came over from Scotland where her dad worked at a dynamite factory (AECI) in Modderfontein, a small ’dynamite community… where everyone knew everyone’s business’ she fondly remembers. Even school was an outing as there weren’t any high schools and she had to travel with the only bus (once a day) to Johannesburg to attend ‘Commercial High’.

Mary finished her matric year aged 15. This was slightly unusual as, when she was four years old, Mary went to Scotland with her mother and started school there… she was just too clever. So upon her return she joined the St 1 group. Mary had to wait a few months for her 16th birthday to follow in her dad’s footsteps and start working at Modderfontein, as a shorthand typist in the lab. She points out with a twinkle in her eye that this lab or ‘machine room’ was the start of the modern day computer… which explains why this great grandmother has no problem communicating with her son in Australia via skype and email… Mary was there when it all started!

Speaking of getting things started… this was also where Mary met her future husband, a Mr Jack Birt working in the fuse department, in 1938. She used to walk from her parents’ house up a hill to get to work every day, and Jack conveniently offered her a ride one morning. The rest is history, though it was definitely not plain sailing. Mary remembers that her parents definitely didn’t approve as Jack was 14 years older than she was. He wasn’t allowed to take her out, so they met secretly on many an occasion! When war broke out Jack joined up, and was sent to Potchefstroom for his military training. Mary’s dad knew about this long distance love, and told Mary one day that they’d like to meet Jack formally for Sunday lunch when he gets back.

Well. When Jack joined the war in 1940, he left Mary behind as his fiancé, and she had to look after his stunning two-seater Chevy. But he was barely gone when he was taken prisoner in Northern Africa and remained in an Italian prisoner of war camp for five years. Mary received letters from Jack, and sent him some too but it took months. After liberation by the Americans, and a 2 week recovery period in England, Jack was on the very first aeroplane in May 1945 that came back to South Africa carrying POW’s… and Mary was there to welcome him home.

They got married 23 June 1945. As there was no petrol, they couldn’t go on honeymoon by car… but took the train to go to St Michaels in Durban. Mary fell pregnant on the way down… and 9 months later the first of 2 sons, Rob and Doug, was born. The Birt family returned to Modderfontein for the rest of their working lives, and Mary was the first married woman that AECI accepted back in employment. Their sons went to Potchefstroom Boys High, and Mary juggled her working career and household including her love for cooking, which she inherited from her mother.

When Jack retired, Mary was only 50 (and please note – she was still playing hockey!) so they sold everything they had, bought a big caravan and toured the country for 10 years. The Birts spent summers in the Cape (they both loved Port Elizabeth) and during winter they headed for the South coast or went to visit children in Johannesburg. After travelling for 10 years, they settled in Amanzimtoti in a nice flat, where Jack could continue his love for fishing that he had all the years. They enjoyed their retirement for a couple of years until one morning, just before breakfast, Jack had a heart attack and passed way aged 78.

Mary stayed on for a couple of years, but went back to Johannesburg, where she took about a year to settle in, but despite joining various clubs and staying busy, became very bored. Then she had a bright idea. Mary, now 69, phoned her old employer: ‘Will you take this old lady back?’ And for the 3rd time in her life (after a few tests), Mary started working at AECI doing reconciliations and filing… and very soon work on the computer followed. Nothing was too much of a challenge and AECI was sad to see her go after another 8 years of service. But the absolute highlight of being back at work wasn’t the fact that she defeated all the odds. No. Mary met up with her old boss she worked for many moons ago… Des was divorced and very soon he came to visit, despite being 10 years her junior. ‘I loved that man immensely… he was absolutely wonderful. He wouldn’t even let me open a car door’ Mary remembers tenderly. ‘And young lady,’ she continues, ‘we made love every single morning. Don’t let anyone tell you there’s an age restriction!’

They too retired in Amanzimtoti and shared many happy years, but Des suffered badly with his knees. After long deliberation he went for a knee operation, but sadly passed away in 2009. ‘I had a good life and good marriage with Jack Birt, but he didn’t have the affectionate love like Des had for me’ Mary explains wiping a tear away. And it was returned by her. It was a great love.

Within 3 weeks of Des passing away, Mary came to live at   Robari to be near her children. ‘And nothing much is wrong with me.’ Mary continues,  ‘I’m healthy and active… I do    exercises and sleep well at night. Though I am a bit scared of death. I’m 90 so it’s around the corner.’ But looking at her life, the corners are few and far between… with long and winding roads in between that lead to interesting and exciting places. And who knows what tomorrow will bring.

At the end of each day, Mary gives a kiss to a photo of Des… whom she still misses immensely, and no doubt always will.  As I walk away with a kiss planted also on my cheek, I can only admire this amazing, inspiring woman who has lived a life one reads about in story books… Mary Birt. Who was fortunately to love and be loved… more than once upon a time.

Interview Sept 2010
Words and photographs captured by Lindie de Bruyn, enough said

Felicia Coetsee kyk na die wêreld vanuit ‘n ander oogpunt… op 4 voet 4.5 duim (‘Moenie die halfduim vergeet nie’… kom die aanmaning!!) is sy ’n bietjie korter as meeste van ons maar glo my, beslis nie een om onderskat te word nie! Ons kuiertjie is in haar sonnige kamer in Robari, en haar sagte hand groet net so vriendelik as haar blink, ondeunde oë.

Hierdie aan-die-gang, energieke mens het as klein dogtertjie van omtrent 4 – haar neus het nog nie bo-kant die bed uitgesteek nie – met poppe wat konstant siek was en in die ‘hospital’ moes kuier, haar roeping ontdek: sy wil verpleeg. Dit was inderdaad ’n roeping en ten spyte van verskeie instansies wat haar afgekeur het omdat sy te kort was, het sy deurgedruk en haar prakties gedoen in Potchefstroom. Sy het later van tyd ook in kraam, pediatrie en algemene verpleging gekwalifiseer.

‘Suster Coetsee’ se energie en belangstelling in alles om haar het almal geinspireer. Haar spanmaats het gereeld gelag oor die hoë beddens en dat sy gesukkel het om by te kom, maar ten spyte van hierdie uitdaging het sy ‘n wonderlike lewe van dienslewering gehad.

Felicia het haar lewe gewei aan haar medemens en haar beroep, en is nooit getroud nie. Na haar aftrede het sy ongelukkig serebrale trombose gehad en sukkel deesdae om te stap met ‘n been wat al hoe korter word en ook met ‘n hand wat nie lekker wil vasvat nie. Gelukkig is die span by Robari baie ondersteunend vandat sy in 2001 ingetrek het, en is sy baie gerieflik in haar kamer vol vrolike kleure en fotos van mense uit die ou dae orals teen die mure wat na haar toe terug-glimlag.

En gepraat van die ou dae… Een van haar gunsteling staaltjies is oor ‘n ondeunde haan wat haar as ‘n klein dogtertjie aangeval het… Haar pa het die petalje van ‘n afstand gestaan en aankyk, toe hy haar ‘n stok aangee en verduidelik dat, ‘as die haan weer prober om jou te skop, dan ‘SLAAT’ jy hom…’ en daar, met die 3de hou, slaan sy die arme haan katswink dat hy tong-uit bly lê! Dis insidente soos hierdie wat bevestig dat, van kleintyd af, hierdie gedetermineerde mensie glad nie op haar baadjie, of haar lengte,  getakseer kon word nie.

Tannie Coetsee onthou verder en verwys weer terug na haar vol loopbaan, wat haar regoor Suid Afrika geneem het. Sy het in Hermanus afgetree na betrekkings in sewe verskillende hospitale onder andere in Germiston, Nelspruit, Klerksdorp, Barberton, Potgietersrus en Pretoria. Sy onthou trots hoe baie kraam-ondervinding sy in Johannesburg opgedoen het wanneer hulle bevallings in die gemeenskap moes hanteer. Sy het baie babas in die wêreld help bring en kan omtrent stories vertel oor mense en plekke en gebeurlikhede!

Die ander area wat ‘n groot invloed op haar uitkyk oor die lewe gemaak het in haar loopbaan was motorfiets-ongelukke. Sy beaam weereens hoe gevaarlik motorfietsry is as mens dit onverskillig doen. Felicia was ook aan diens na ‘n slegte treinongeluk, met ‘n pasgetroude jong man wat tussen 2 treintrokke beland het, en wat beide sy bene in die proses verloor het. Felicia se geselsies langs siek beddens in hospitale het hoop gegee vir haar pasiente, en al was sy beperk met dienste wat sy op mediese gebied kon aanbied, was daar altyd ‘n oorvloed van empatie en omgee.

Ek vra bietjie uit na haar familiefoto’s wat trots rondstaan, spesifiek na ‘n foto van haar en haar suster saam met haar ma. Felicia verduidelik dat sy een van twee dogters is, en dat haar suster ook in Somerset Wes bly. Hulle gaan gereeld saam op uistappies of vir ‘n bederf koppie koffie in die dorp. Haar moeder het ‘n vol, aktiewe lewe gehad en moes altyd spesiaal vir Felicia klere maak omdat die winkels nooit haar grootte gehad het nie. Sy was baie lief vir beide haar ouers, en was baie hartseer toe haar ma op 73 op die rolbalbaan inmekaar gesak het na ‘n hartaanval, en oppad hospitaal toe oorlede is. Haar pa het 97 oud geword en het al 10 sy broers en susters oorleef. Terug by die foto verduidelik sy dat dit hulle gesin is in tradisionele drag, en dat hulle deel was van die opening van die Voortrekkermonument 16 Desember 1949. Dis voorwaar kosbare herinneringe!
 
Felicia gesels verder oor haar grootword jare met blink oë… hoe sy as 17 jarige gratis bus gery het omdat die kondukteurs gedink het sy is jonger as 12. Die nadraai weer was insidente soos as hulle gaan fliek by die inry, en die kaartjie-verkoper verduidelik dat sy nie mag inkom nie want die rolprent het ‘n ouderdomsbeperking van 16… dan moet sy vinnig ‘n ID uithaal wat kan wys dat sy eintlik al 22 is! Haar kinderdae onthous is volop… daar was nie iets soos TV nie, so hulle het gespeel vir ‘n vale, en sy meestal as ‘verpleegster’ aan diens vir haar poppe. Sy glimlag toe sy begin vertel van al die katte in haar lewe deur die jare, amper soos dit ’n regte oujongnooi betaam. Haar groot liefde vir hiedie diere is duidelik sigbaar met fotos en prentjies oral en dis vir haar ‘n heerlike bederf as die Robari kat hom kom tuismaak vir ‘n lekker middagslapie by haar in die kamer.

Maar so breek tyd vir middagete aan en ons kuiertjie kom tot ‘n einde. Tannie Coetsee glimlag warm en nooi my met ’n sagte handdruk vir ‘n volgende kuiertjie. Ek verwonder my hoe ironies dit is dat haar fisiese grootte eintlik net mooi die teenoorgestelde van haar impak in die lewe aandui: en dat hierdie spesiale vrou, Felicia Coetsee, eendag gemeet gaan word aan die onmeetbare verskil wat haar liefde, omgee en toewyding in die wêreld kom maak het.

Onderhoud Aug 2010
Woorde en fotos vasgevang deur Lindie de Bruyn, enough said.

Ronald Bellamy welcomes me to a small sitting room serving one of the wings at Silver Oaks. His kind voice is as inviting as the comfortable room we happen to have to ourselves and we get stuck in conversation within minutes.

Despite a French dad and a German mom, Mr Bellamy is proudly born & bred Cape Townian. His parents came to South Africa not long after the turn of the century when his dad joined the Royal Navy to build ships … and then stayed on to become a building inspector.

Ronald attended SACS, matriculated in 1940 and followed a career in accountancy, which included big corporate Employers like the PEP Ackerman’s Group. His dad passed away when he was only 16, so being the youngest of 3 sons he had compassionate leave and was excused from joining the armed forces. He stayed with his mother and 4 sisters against the slopes of Lion’s Head during the war years and became the man of the house of this loving family. One of the life lessons he remembers from his parents, was to live independently and be able to care for himself and his family. Whether this was the motivation or not, from a very early age, Ronald walked and talked with God every day of his life. He got very involved in the church via neighbours who worked actively in the Salvation Army, and went on to serve as a deacon in his congregation for nearly 60 years .

Back to the earlier years, Ronald was about 25 when their family home was sold, so he rented a room from a friend and his wife, where he was introduced to his future wife, Elizabeth (who incidentally had a German mom and a French dad). During 1950s she developed pleurisy, and unfortunately, due to neglect, the doctors at Groote Schuur didn’t drain off all fluids from her lungs and Elizabeth suffered dearly from the consequences. She struggled with her health until she passed away in 2008… after nearly 60 years of happy marriage to Ronald.

The Bellamy’s travelled extensively in South Africa, Namibia, Zambia and Zimbabwe… and Mr Bellamy fondly remembers the Vic Falls as a huge highlight. He can make himself understood in German and French, though he is and will always be TRULY South African.

Another highlight was meeting General Smuts over dinner during a political campaign whilst assisting one of his friends. And as both were keen mountaineers, he bumped into Gen Smuts a few times during weekend walks on the slopes of Table Mountain.

Ronald is a very committed and compassionate man, and has been so all his life. He got very involved with whatever he was working at, and made it his business to learn as much about his field as possible. When managing in-store bakeries, he attended baking school at BOKOMO to understand the process behind baking… and found out he loved cooking… thus a hobby was born that lasted many years.

I couldn’t resist the question regarding the food at Silver Oaks… And after 2 years being a resident at the Society, he explains that he is well cared for, well provided for…and that the food is good! Uncountable food surveys during his working days gives him a good perspective on his current situation and he is quite forgiving when something is not quite to taste from the kitchen… to cater for 185 people having 3 meals a day is quite a task! But to confirm his energetic optimism, which is noticeable in all levels of his life in a quote: ’I don’t sit down, I get involved and DO things, and keep occupied, I love singing and take part in the annual concert… and I also read a lot.’

Ronald and his wife Elizabeth had a son who was a lieutenant in the police who tragically died at the early age of 30. Ronald held on to his faith to pull him through the unexplainable hurt of losing a child. He now smiles when he explains that he receives regular visits from his great grandson who is 8 and owns a ‘cat and a half’ … the latter of course belonging to the neighbours and just visiting very often. And again to quote this man, who has known so much hurt but still holds on to the positive side of life: ‘It is difficult for me to understand how people can’t be close to God. This is the one thing that has kept me going… I’ve been provided with wonderful friends and family who’ve been there sharing the good times and the challenging times.’

We reminisce a bit further over his lustrous working career … his qualification as Company Secretary but more importantly… his LLBE’s or in full: ‘Life’s Long Best Experiences’ which he has seemed to collect along his varied and wonderful years. His sincere interest in the people who shared his journey now creates great memories he can look back on and remember with a smile.

A normal day in the life of Mr Bellamy means rise and shine at 5.30 every morning for devotional time that prepares him spiritually and physically. He has a keen reading interest and if there are any topics doing the rounds at Silver Oaks, he reads up in relevant books to obtain insight. His character truly shines through… together with his commitment to his God and his appreciation for friends, family and residents. Any words of encouragement from Ronald?  ‘Keep faith… put God back where he belongs and serve him with commitment and in love.’ And are things running smoothly for Ronald? Well, as you know ageing has its challenges… he is supposed to be in a wheelchair according to some after a nasty fall on his knees quite a few years ago. But Ronald won’t be defeated – instead he wears his knee braces and decided to get rid of the wheels. You can take my word for it… it’s hard to keep up with him and his custom made walking stick… not to mention Ronald Bellamy’s wonderful optimism and inspiring faith.

Interview Sept 2010
Words and photographs captured by Lindie de Bruyn, enough said.

‘Ag my daaah’ling, it’s so nice not to be forsaken and to be cared for!’ These are the welcoming words from Yvonne Britz, as she shares a hug in passing and ‘plops’ me down on a comfortable two-seater couch overlooking a garden square at Silver Oaks. Memories of a youth well spent are smiling down on us from all 4 walls in her room as laughter very quickly sets in. ‘Call me Yvonne. I will be 90 in October. Or is it 89…? Never mind,’ she continues with a twinkle in her eye. ’Call me Yvonne. And incidentally, Proverbs… or is it Psalms… no, Proverbs says our years are 70 or 80… with special mightiness. So excuse me for ‘the mightiness’ young lady!’ I have to tease back… ‘And where exactly do you see any ladies around here?’ We’re instant friends.

Born on 11 October 1920 on the diggings between Potchefstroom and Klerksdorp, Yvonne remembers the story of her arrival as told by her parents. Her dad was a digger and they lived in a zink kaya in the middle of absolutely nowhere. She spent most of her childhood in Potchefstroom where her dad’s claim to fame (now working in a different trade) was building the first double story house in town. In his later years, he worked as a landscaper and that’s where her love  for the garden (and her green fingers!) comes from, she explains eagerly. Yvonne is constantly outside and busy in the garden, pruning and digging and loving the comforting greenery. Or simply strolling around. Her favourite lesson remains one that her dad taught her about the planting of beans… and how you have to plant it very quickly otherwise your finger will start to grow!

Yvonne’s eye catches a photo taken somewhere in Paris where she’s wearing a pair of bright red boots. ‘Dear, we were SO lucky… we travelled all over the world. But let me start at the beginning.’ And the beginning is at home, early 1940’s. And in the army. During the war years, Yvonne was stationed in Pretoria and was responsible for driving 10 ton trucks. That’s right. 10 ton trucks, transporting whatever was necessary, including emergency services when this duty called. Don’t be fooled by her tiny frame and gentle eyes: there’s a will of steel and a sense of humour to match… someone who’ll tackle mountains and reach the top victoriously, and with her ever-present smile firmly in tact. She enjoys sharing a mischievous story of walking down a road one day (and in uniform) with a friend and packing out wolf whistles to girls in front… who would turn around to see which man would dare to be so cheeky… and of course there would be no man… just two friends approaching innocently, also spinning around, desperately trying to spot the culprit in an attempt to hide their playful grins.

’So you can whistle?’ I ask innocently. The answer came back sharp and high, long and loud… a proper wolf whistle leaving the tea cups barely in tact and my ears ringing for (at least) the next five paragraphs.

But back to the ‘beginning’ and how she met her husband… it was on the way back to base after a weekend in Potch, that Yvonne was standing on the platform… ’and waiting for the train to pull in, all 9 coaches. And there I stood. Little did I know that this would be the ‘last stop’ for me.’ The train was packed!  And who happened to be sitting in the compartment that stopped right where Yvonne was waiting? Of course. Lucky Britz. ‘See that girl…?’ he announced loudly to his seven buddies after staring through the window a few short seconds, and falling head over heals for this young, attractive lady in uniform on the platform. ‘I’m going to marry her.’

Now that’s what I call lucky. Without much ado, Lucky jumped out the train, approached Yvonne with reckless abandon and said… ‘come I have a seat for you’. He gave up his seat and stood all the way to Pretoria. They never looked back. ‘And he never took any nonsense, Lucky wouldn’t hear of anything bad of anyone. Ever.’ Yvonne remembers with a warm voice. ’We were married for most of 50 years before my dear husband passed away. And Lucky was a true gentleman… and a very nice looking one too!! We got married before he went off to war…’ she recalls, ’He was the true love of my life from the first moment on!’

Yvonne’s other big heartache, the more recent one losing her dear husband, happened only a few years after they got married. She was merely 10 days away from going on maternity leave, and keeping up with the pace in the camp. They received an emergency call and jumped into an ambulance to collect a troop who lost his leg after stepping on a landmine. Yvonne, eight months’ pregnant, left the wheel to help lift the stretcher with the seriously wounded soldier and proceeded to drive him safely to hospital. At 2am that morning she woke up, felt a terrible pain and acted swiftly to get help, but it was too late. Yvonne and Lucky lost their first and only child. They never had children of their own but took children from the Abraham Kriel Children’s Home on holiday every year, until her husband was transferred to Grabouw, where they lived many, happy years.

Back in the present, we both wipe a tear away and reposition on the couch. ‘Sit nicely. Like a good girl!’ Yvonne instructs her doll, who has been part of our comfortable conversation all the way. ’We’re happy here.’ She continues with a smile. ‘I’m lonely at times, but I have so much to be grateful for. Even though I have no explanation for it. And I’m in need of nothing, except my family who I miss dearly. I spend a lot of time in the garden, and talk to my trees. I really dislike sitting still, cause then you can see old age creeping up on you. So I walk in the garden. And talk to my trees… and look back on my life that was full of adventure, laughter and love.’

I have to ‘reposition’ again and stop the tears with more difficulty this time. I’m sincerely surprised how sharing a few ‘mischievous incidents’ could carry such deep meaning. The laughter and joy from this wonderful woman in one short hour was more enriching and inspiring than words can explain. Her kind and joyful spirit now echoes down the hall at Silver Oaks, and no doubt one day will ripple infectiously down the streets in heaven. But, as Yvonne points out with that already familiar twinkle in her eye, ’even the trees will continue to carry my initials long after I’m gone…’ And just to prove her point, a couple of twigs proudly lining out a capital ’Y’ adorn her bedside table. I have to smile one last time and can’t help but wonder… ‘Well, Y not!’

Interview Aug 2010
Words and photographs captured by Lindie de Bruyn, enough said.